I feel like I am finally getting back to who and where I want to be.
A time not too long ago, I forgot who "Tasha" was. I became someone I do not know. Someone I do not understand. Someone who I do not like, for the past few years. Who I am. That concept has been at the mercy of the people I've surrounded myself with. I've been at the mercy of the person I became, because I thought it was easier to be her. Because I thought, perhaps, they would like her better. Because sometimes being "Tasha" hurts a little too bad.
The fact that "me" is a fluid state, has made it all the more easy to stray from my home base: from my morals, my compassion, my conscience.So I became this person; this woman; that held the ability to adapt to the harsh truths of the world. A woman who faced adversity with an unforgiving spirit. A woman who could do all the things that I wasn't built to. And so wished that I was.
So this new person emerged, and became, in essence, who I could not. She became the protector of the fragile and sensitive person that is Tasha. She was this person that protected "me". A person I became in times of trial. A person I became when being "Tasha" was too painful. A person I became when I was uncomfortable; a person I became in close proximity to vulnerability.
And so she became "me". And "I" became nothing . I sat sheltered underneath her concrete wing, unable to grow, unable to see. She emerged. "I" was able to see this entire new world; a world faced with strength, with shamelessness, with anger, with aggression. And "Tasha" faded away into the background of an unfamiliar world.
The difficulty with becoming someone else for a long period of time, is that you forget who you originally were. I have lost track of the person I was ultimately protecting; I have lost "Tasha".
And I come to that realization.
I know who Tasha is, I just don't remember how to be her.
I'm not mean. I dislike confrontation. My skin is not so thick that no one and nothing can reach in. I'm not her. I'm not her.
So, in this realization, my only hope is that "Tasha" is still in here somewhere. And if she is, I hope that she can forgive me, and who I have become.And so I emerge into this new and terrifying place, as a sheltered and vulnerable version of myself many years ago. And hope that it won't hurt too badly.
I know it won't be easy. For so few people are aware of the beauty and tragedy that this world knows. It's never easy to wear the weight of the world, but a life seeing beauty the way that "Tasha" once did, is one worth living as Tasha.
A time not too long ago, I forgot who "Tasha" was. I became someone I do not know. Someone I do not understand. Someone who I do not like, for the past few years. Who I am. That concept has been at the mercy of the people I've surrounded myself with. I've been at the mercy of the person I became, because I thought it was easier to be her. Because I thought, perhaps, they would like her better. Because sometimes being "Tasha" hurts a little too bad.
The fact that "me" is a fluid state, has made it all the more easy to stray from my home base: from my morals, my compassion, my conscience.So I became this person; this woman; that held the ability to adapt to the harsh truths of the world. A woman who faced adversity with an unforgiving spirit. A woman who could do all the things that I wasn't built to. And so wished that I was.
So this new person emerged, and became, in essence, who I could not. She became the protector of the fragile and sensitive person that is Tasha. She was this person that protected "me". A person I became in times of trial. A person I became when being "Tasha" was too painful. A person I became when I was uncomfortable; a person I became in close proximity to vulnerability.
And so she became "me". And "I" became nothing . I sat sheltered underneath her concrete wing, unable to grow, unable to see. She emerged. "I" was able to see this entire new world; a world faced with strength, with shamelessness, with anger, with aggression. And "Tasha" faded away into the background of an unfamiliar world.
The difficulty with becoming someone else for a long period of time, is that you forget who you originally were. I have lost track of the person I was ultimately protecting; I have lost "Tasha".
And I come to that realization.
I know who Tasha is, I just don't remember how to be her.
I'm not mean. I dislike confrontation. My skin is not so thick that no one and nothing can reach in. I'm not her. I'm not her.
So, in this realization, my only hope is that "Tasha" is still in here somewhere. And if she is, I hope that she can forgive me, and who I have become.And so I emerge into this new and terrifying place, as a sheltered and vulnerable version of myself many years ago. And hope that it won't hurt too badly.
I know it won't be easy. For so few people are aware of the beauty and tragedy that this world knows. It's never easy to wear the weight of the world, but a life seeing beauty the way that "Tasha" once did, is one worth living as Tasha.
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