I feel like something.
I don't necessarily feel conflicted, just out of sync. I feel like parts of me are moving faster than others; like a bicycle with wheels moving at different speeds.
I'm happy. I feel fulfilled. I feel loved.
I feel exhausted.
From trying to establish my career to trying to live up my 20 somethings to the fullest, I am utterly exhausted. I work 12 hour shifts. I wake up at 5 am. I fill my weekends with things I can only get away with at my current age.
Part of me is still very young. I miss my parents. I miss my entire family. I miss my hometown. I still look at the world with the wonder of a child, and I hope that never changes. I hope I always strive to make myself and the world around me happier.
I love my job. I love my boyfriend. I love my apartment and being able to pay my share of the bills. Part of me is not resistant, but unprepared for the adult-ish life I have already taken on. My ambition and work ethic outweigh my ability to manage my adult responsibilities. I don't think I am immature or irresponsible, I just believe I lack certain coping skills that most people have already mastered.
So I guess I missed the training seminar on how to manage money & time/multitask.
And it's hard. But it's amazing.
I feel like I'm doing my small part in improving something great in the world. I have a long road ahead of me. I have so much to learn.
As long as I work and try as hard as I have been doing, maybe my back wheel will catch up eventually.
Maybe someday I'll feel like a real grown up. And even if I don't; as long as I am able to feel how I am feeling now, I'll know I'm doing something right.
I don't necessarily feel conflicted, just out of sync. I feel like parts of me are moving faster than others; like a bicycle with wheels moving at different speeds.
I'm happy. I feel fulfilled. I feel loved.
I feel exhausted.
From trying to establish my career to trying to live up my 20 somethings to the fullest, I am utterly exhausted. I work 12 hour shifts. I wake up at 5 am. I fill my weekends with things I can only get away with at my current age.
Part of me is still very young. I miss my parents. I miss my entire family. I miss my hometown. I still look at the world with the wonder of a child, and I hope that never changes. I hope I always strive to make myself and the world around me happier.
I love my job. I love my boyfriend. I love my apartment and being able to pay my share of the bills. Part of me is not resistant, but unprepared for the adult-ish life I have already taken on. My ambition and work ethic outweigh my ability to manage my adult responsibilities. I don't think I am immature or irresponsible, I just believe I lack certain coping skills that most people have already mastered.
So I guess I missed the training seminar on how to manage money & time/multitask.
And it's hard. But it's amazing.
I feel like I'm doing my small part in improving something great in the world. I have a long road ahead of me. I have so much to learn.
As long as I work and try as hard as I have been doing, maybe my back wheel will catch up eventually.
Maybe someday I'll feel like a real grown up. And even if I don't; as long as I am able to feel how I am feeling now, I'll know I'm doing something right.
